Are You Making These Common Trauma-Informed Leadership Mistakes?

Hey there, amazing leaders!

Let me tell you something that might blow your mind. After living in 87 countries across 5 continents, raising 5 incredible kids, and coaching hundreds of high-achievers, I've seen the SAME pattern everywhere I go. Leaders who genuinely care about their teams are accidentally making their people feel worse!

What if I tell you that your good intentions might be creating the exact opposite of what you want?

Here's the thing - trauma-informed leadership isn't just a buzzword anymore. It's ESSENTIAL. But here's what nobody talks about: most of us are doing it completely wrong! And trust me, I've made these mistakes too.

Happiness is free - but healing from leadership trauma? That takes intentional work!

The Big Mistake #1: Playing Detective Instead of Being a Leader

Oh my goodness, this one makes my lawyer brain cringe! So many leaders think they need to become amateur therapists.

I remember coaching a CEO who kept asking her team members about their "childhood experiences" during performance reviews. She meant well! But she was actually RE-TRAUMATIZING people by digging into their personal histories.

Here's what's happening: You're confusing UNDERSTANDING trauma with TREATING trauma.

Your job isn't to fix your people's past. Your job is to create SAFETY in the present!

When someone shows up late repeatedly, your first thought shouldn't be "What happened to them as a child?" It should be "How can I create systems that help them succeed RIGHT NOW?"

Stop playing detective. Start being a leader who creates predictable, safe environments! ✦

The Big Mistake #2: Mistaking Trauma Symptoms for Poor Performance

This one breaks my heart every single time!

Picture this: Sarah arrives late again. She seems scattered during meetings. She overreacts when you give feedback.

Most leaders think: "Sarah doesn't care about this job."

WRONG! Sarah's nervous system is dysregulated. Those "performance issues" are actually trauma responses!

Living in different countries taught me that stress shows up differently in every culture, but the NERVOUS SYSTEM doesn't lie. When someone's fight-or-flight is activated, their executive functioning goes out the window!

Instead of writing people off, ask yourself: "What support does this person need to feel safe enough to perform?"

Happiness is free - and so is compassion!

The Big Mistake #3: The Accountability Vanishing Act

Oh honey, this one is HUGE!

So many leaders hear "trauma-informed" and think it means becoming a pushover. They stop holding people accountable because they're afraid of "triggering" someone.

Let me be crystal clear: Trauma-informed leadership doesn't mean NO accountability. It means COMPASSIONATE accountability!

As a mother of 5, I've learned that kids (and adults!) actually feel SAFER when there are clear, consistent boundaries. Structure reduces anxiety!

The mistake? Thinking that being understanding means lowering your standards.

The solution? Create clear expectations AND provide the support people need to meet them.

You can be both KIND and FIRM. Revolutionary concept, right?

The Big Mistake #4: The "Not My Job" Syndrome

Oof, this one makes my entrepreneur heart ache!

I've heard leaders say things like:

• "It's not my job to manage their emotions!"

• "I'm not a therapist!"

• "They need to leave their personal issues at home!"

Listen, I get it. You didn't sign up to be anyone's counselor. But here's what you DID sign up for: LEADERSHIP.

And leadership in 2026 means understanding that your people are WHOLE HUMANS, not robots who can compartmentalize their nervous systems!

You don't need to fix their trauma. But you DO need to stop contributing to it!

The Big Mistake #5: Ignoring Your Own Emotional Regulation

Here's the tea nobody wants to spill: You can't create safety for others when YOU'RE not regulated!

I learned this the hard way during my own healing journey. As a high-achieving lawyer, politician and entrepreneur, I thought I could just THINK my way through everything.

NOPE!

If you're constantly stressed, reactive, or overwhelmed, your team feels it. Your energy is CONTAGIOUS.

The most trauma-informed thing you can do? Work on your OWN nervous system first!

Happiness is free - but emotional regulation takes practice!

The Big Mistake #6: One-Size-Fits-All Solutions

Living in 87 different countries taught me that what feels safe to one person might feel threatening to another. Some people need direct communication. Others need gentle approaches. Some thrive with public recognition. Others feel mortified by it!

The mistake? Assuming your communication style works for everyone.

The solution? ASK your people what they need! Revolutionary, I know!

"Hey Sarah, I noticed you seem stressed when I give feedback in front of the team. Would you prefer we chat privately?"

It's that simple!

What Trauma-Informed Leadership Actually Looks Like

Okay, so if we're not supposed to be therapists or pushovers, what ARE we supposed to do?

Create Psychological Safety Through:

• Predictable systems and processes

• Clear, consistent communication

• Acknowledging when you make mistakes

• Asking before assuming

• Focusing on behavior, not character

  
  

Maintain Compassionate Accountability By:

• Setting clear expectations upfront

• Providing resources and support

• Checking in regularly (not interrogating!)

• Addressing issues quickly and kindly

• Celebrating progress, not just perfection

  
  

Model Emotional Regulation Through:

• Taking breaks when you need them

• Admitting when you're overwhelmed

• Showing curiosity instead of judgment

• Staying calm during conflicts

• Seeking your own support when needed

The Bottom Line

You don't need a psychology degree to be trauma-informed. You need AWARENESS, COMPASSION, and BOUNDARIES.

Your job isn't to heal your people's past. Your job is to create an environment where they can heal themselves while doing amazing work!

Happiness is free - and so is the choice to lead with both heart AND backbone!

Remember: The best leaders aren't perfect. They're INTENTIONAL. They're willing to learn, adjust, and grow alongside their teams.

Your people don't need you to fix them. They need you to see them as whole humans worthy of respect, support, and clear expectations.

That's not just good leadership - that's REVOLUTIONARY leadership!

Now go out there and create the kind of workplace YOU would want to thrive in!

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Ready to transform your leadership approach? Let's chat about how you can create psychological safety without sacrificing results. Because leading with both compassion and accountability? That's where the magic happens!